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Two Gifts To Help With Stress Right Now

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Two things that will make your life a little bit (or a lot bit) easier right now:

1.) Things are generally nowhere near as important or urgent as we think they are in the moment.

2.) Stop worrying about bad things that MIGHT HAPPEN, because most of them WILL NOT HAPPEN.

An example of #2: How often have you stressed about getting somewhere late, only to arrive on time?

Continuation with #1: How often have you not only stressed about arriving late, and actually DID arrive late, only to find that the timing was perfect?

Now a bonus #3, a fundamental fact that supports #2:

ALL THINGS CHANGE

Often when we are going through a particular time in our lives that is very difficult, something that challenges everything we are and all we have become, we feel as though the challenging situation may have no end.

One thing is certain – things will change. All things change, and that includes the challenging times that you may be going through at this moment.

Dealing with the situation itself is challenging enough without you adding anything to it, so let go of the worry that your situation will never change – worrying about something bad that might happen, but won’t – because ALL THINGS CHANGE.

In my life, it has been these challenging events…these very events which in the moment are the most difficult time of our lives, that have forged me into the person that I am today.

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3 Lessons For Finding A Meaningful Life…

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I recently gave a talk to a class at FIU, Florida International University, in Miami, Florida. The class was “Discovering Your Major”, and was a very interesting topic to me. I had no idea such a class even existed, but I loved the concept because of the intent to teach “meta” information about learning and life.

“Meta Teaching”…Meta-anything is something about something else… just above or outside of it. For example, “meta learning” could be used to describe learning about learning.. or how to learn, how to study.

There is a LOT to growing up that is no longer taught to us by default. Just the basics of what it means to be happy, how to live a happy life, what’s truly important – those lessons are often lacking. We have to try and figure that out for ourselves, but often only once we realize that something is missing.

This is the WISDOM we need in this world. This is the KNOWLEDGE that leads to Happiness.

These life lessons have to do, in many ways, with growing up… coming of age… becoming a meaningful person in life with one’s own identity, a meaningful, positive identity in the world.

BEING COMFORTABLE in your own skin.

These thoughts came to mind as I was reflecting on things after the talk.

Before the talk, I purposefully did not plan out what I was going to say. I wanted to see their faces, read their expressions to see what they were feeling, connect with them where they are in life and let that PULL the message from me.

And what came out were these 3 thought points, and they are just as applicable to all of us at any age as they are to the college students looking for direction…

  1. The image of whom you are striving to be – is it your own?
  2. You can change your life at any time.
  3. When in doubt, find a way to be of service to others.

The Image Of Whom You Are Striving To Be – Is It Your Own?

We all have a vision of whom we’re supposed to be, the person we believe we should be, but who’s vision is it? From birth, we strive to make our parents happy and proud. We learn throughs social interactions and observation of the world around us – whom does everyone else admire and respect, whom do we admire and respect. We might compare ourselves to friends, to siblings, classmates, people we see in the news, movies, marketing, everything… literally everything around is is constantly pumping information into our heads about what we need to do with our lives, whom we need to be, what we should study, what it means to be successful.

I used to wonder what it meant when someone said “I need to find myself,” a common theme during the transitional period of life where some young people travel to “find themselves”. It’s only natural to yearn for independence and respect, to be seen as an individual, an adult, and no longer as a child. I can see the challenge in finding your own path in life when being bombarded by input from outside sources. But…

REMEMBER: You are the one that has to live your life

The advice of the others in our lives is almost always well meaning. It comes from their own experiences in their lives, where they may foresee see pitfalls we can’t because they’ve been there and we haven’t yet. Some of the advice is valid – it may save us from making a catastrophic mistake in life. But also, some of the advice is fear-based, a result of their own personal life experiences melding with their character traits, desire for adventure or stability, following their dreams to the fullest or playing it safe to survive.

The “college” age is that very time where we start to build a NEW self-image, a self-image as an adult, not as a child… a self-image that would ideally be our own, but often is not.

When we build a life based on someone else’s (parents, society’s, etc.) image of whom we should be, our inner desire for our own identity does not go away. That’s why there are so many stories, books, and speakers that all describe something similar – a kind of metamorphosis as they find ‘their purpose’, something that resonates with them on a deeper level, even late in life.

You Can Change Your Life At Any Time

This is a huge concept for ALL aspects of life, not just related to what we choose to study, but also with respect to our friends, relationships, where we live, anything.

This does not mean that we throw in the towel at the first hint of resistance.

But it does mean that when we are able to see clearly that something is not right for us, that we have the power to change. If, as a student, you pick a major and you come to find that it absolutely is NOT what you want to do, it’s OK! Change!

If it takes another semester, or even another year to graduate, that can seem like an eternity at a young age. But what of a life where the entire path is in the wrong direction?

The majority of people stay in unhappy situations, feeling as though there are no options, for years to decades. Most of the ‘barriers’ seen are not barriers, just concepts in our own minds. We stay in bad relationships, we continue working at that unfulfilling job, we are afraid of ‘risk’, or when things are kind of ‘complex’, or when things might impact others, when they might incur the judgement of others. These barriers can be very real.

One of my favorite things to do with people is DESTROY THOSE BARRIERS, literally like a wrecking ball (please no photoshopped images of me like Miley Cyrus). But that’s what I love – questioning everything… Is it REALLY true that you “can’t”?

So this lesson that you can change your life at any time is one of the most important lessons a young person can learn.

Once you see things clearly, and you realize what IS and what IS NOT a barrier to change, that is when you gain control of your life. That is when it is a conscious choice to stay and try to improve your current situation, or when you choose to do something different.

THEN: Knowing that you can change things at any time, fearlessly explore your life

When In Doubt, Find A Way To Be Of Service To Others

  1. When we’re searching for a purpose and coming up with nothing, we can feel disconnected, empty, floating. We may not be able to ‘find’ a purpose, but we can always find a way of helping someone. Helping someone inherently means we’re useful, valuable, and shows that there IS a way that we can contribute to the world in some way – big or small. We literally do get back more than we give. Here’s a great post from Berkeley on how giving is good for you.
  2. When we are ‘helping’, there is a different feel to the arrangement. Somehow, we are not as afraid of failure; there’s nothing to lose. Even if what we do isn’t perfect, it’s almost always well received, rewarded with appreciation. Even the tiniest bit of positive reinforcement is all the spark that some of us need to ignite something deeper inside of us.
  3. When we search for ways to help and choose to show up in a positive way in this world, opportunities seem to arise in unexpected ways. We may be asked to ‘help’ with something that we NEVER would have considered doing. This gives us a change to fearlessly experiment, almost unknowingly wandering out of our comfort zone and into a space of self discovery.
  4. What do you think happens when you combine a fearless exploration, positive reinforcement, appreciation, and repeatedly create space for creative sparks to ignite something inside of us? We may just stumble, almost literally, across our calling… is it serendipity?
  5. You will have made the world that much better for at least one person, maybe many. You may never know how that small act may have changed their day, or even their lives, for the better.
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Life’s Purpose…

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Are you searching for a more meaningful life, or do you already know Life’s Purpose for you?

When you feel connected to a larger purpose, connected to your authentic self, there is no need for motivation. Instead of dragging yourself to show up and pushing yourself to get things done, you feel pulled toward your work.

So why this talk about Life’s Purpose now? Well, it’s the start of a new year, and if one is open to it, it can also be a time for introspection, a time when there is a very strong energy of renewal, a reinvigoration of Life’s Purpose. Don’t confuse the intent of this with New Year’s resolutions simply because of the timing. This is NOT about making a list of all the things you put on a list at the beginning of every year, only to forget them all by Jan 4th.

Note that I said “Reinvigoration of Life’s Purpose,” not ”Your Purpose In Life.” The difference is subtle. Life is bigger than you, than me, and being part of something bigger than yourself, something connected to Life, brings with it a very profound sense of meaning.

Here are the four Levels of Life’s Purpose that we may progress through.

  1. Existing. We are not searching for our Life’s Purpose. We are floating through life, not connected with anything very meaningful or purposeful. We are often in this state in our youth, though certain experiences can free us from this (sometimes encounters with enlightened individuals, sometime tragedies that knock our world upside down and force us into contemplation for answers). For many, it is simply the passage of time and unfulfilled dreams that can wake us up to contemplate a question like “Do I matter?”
  2. Searching. We feel that there must be something more to life, something to give our life meaning. We want to matter, to make a difference. We don’t know how, we don’t know what, but we are searching for something.
  3. Connected. We have discovered Life’s Purpose for ourselves, and we feel a connection to it – pulling us closer to fulfilling our purpose.
  4. Fulfilled. We are living Life’s Purpose fully and completely. We are strongly connected to Life’s Purpose, and this connection allows us to flow in new directions as Life presents new paths. Every day of our lives, good and bad, is still an amazing, interesting, and wonderful experience.

It is a very sad thing that many, if not most, go through their entire lives simply Existing, unaware, unconnected, and feeling as though their life does not and has not really mattered.

So don’t simply make a list of resolutions for this New Year. This year do something deeper, something more lasting and meaningful for your life. Examine the Level of your life… If you’re simply Existing, perhaps it’s time to as yourself the big questions…Why are we here? Is there something more to life than what I’ve been living so far?

If you have been feeling that there must be something more, if you are Searching, focus on your inner work. It doesn’t matter what you call it… God, Infinity, Intention, Life… open yourself up to the possibility that there is a higher purpose and meaning for your life, a place meant for you – where you can matter most. When you are open, your teachers (sometimes life itself) will find you. Life will help show you your Life’s Purpose.

When you feel Connected to Life’s Purpose, you are invigorated with the knowledge that there is something more. You may not know how to fulfill Life’s Purpose, but you know it’s there. It’s as though you know there is gold in a mountain, but you don’t know exactly where it is. It doesn’t matter, the knowledge that it is there is all you need to make you experiment with ways of reaching it. Some days are filled with excitement as you have some success, other days may be fraught with challenges and you may feel discouraged and have doubts. This Level of Life’s Purpose is where the work truly begins. Just as when searching for gold, the work may be the most difficult, but the rewards can be just as great in proportion.

So begin this New Year with an awareness of your current level, and a clear intention to progress to the next Level of Life’s Purpose. You may not know how… or what… be open… fearlessly explore. Don’t be afraid of failure – there is no failure, there is only Life, and the wonderful adventure, full of challenges, excitement, drama, and success.

It’s time to search for, find, and begin to live fulfilled… to live Life’s Purpose… to live Your Higher Level Life.

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One Important Lesson To Kick Off 2016

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Careful How You Compare Yourself…

We compare ourselves to others, often automatically and somewhat subconsciously. We compare looks, our happiness, financial success, professional success, accomplishments, social status, material goods, physical abilities, family, friends, children, and their accomplishments… and 1000 other aspects of our lives – anything that can be associated or attributed to something considered ‘part’ of us, or ‘related’ to us in some way.

This sizing up of ourselves has a very useful purpose. In the business world, knowing one’s competition allows for strategic marketing, and possibly creating a solution that is not provided by your competition. In a physical conflict, it allows one to avoid violent encounters that would otherwise prove likely to be deadly or injurious if we are clearly outmatched by our rival (while seeming irrelevant for many, unfortunately this is a very real subject for many youths, and adults, all around the world – sometimes on a daily basis).

This somewhat automatic act of comparing ourselves to others has evolved from a very real need for survival… much like fear (something I wrote similarly of in Stop Living by Fear.

However, much like fear being useful as well as limiting, self-comparison can also be limiting and harmful when out of balance. In today’s world it is more difficult than ever to see things clearly. Social media, marketing, cosmetic surgery, airbrushing and editing of photography, movies and television shows…our perception of reality is very skewed. Comparing ourselves can sometimes lead to negative patterns of thinking, behavioral disorders, and a severely limited life (entirely self-imposed).

Much has been written similar topics – so I want to focus on two very clear points:

  1. Our knowledge of someone else’s full life experience is always incomplete
  2. We judge our full selves against someone else’s incomplete external image

Our knowledge of someone else’s full life experience is always incomplete

Think about the fact that we often compare aspects of our lives in isolation. We compare our weight or fitness to that of others, yet we don’t compare our full lives. The other person may be dedicating so much of their life to fitness that they have sacrificed their personal relationships, time with their children, and success in their career (and these may be things that for you are amazing). Or, perhaps someone else has an amazing career, but doesn’t have the wonderful kids you have… or vice versa (notice neither is better or worse, but is simply the results of your choices in life and each has their merits).
With social media, our images of others are primarily based on what they want to represent as their lives. We inherently share and celebrate our victories and successes, and quietly hide or move past our defeats and challenges – usually not wanting anyone else to know. So when others see us, and when we see others, the picture is NEVER complete.

We judge our full selves against someone else’s incomplete external image

This is where our ‘automatic’ act of comparing of ourselves to others can lead to problems if we are not present and aware that what we ‘know’ about someone else is grossly incomplete. If we are attempting to start a new business, and we’re comparing ourselves to someone else that has an immensely successful business, we may feel that we can never be as good / successful / famous / respected (insert any adjective you like here). But what we don’t see is the 10 failures they had while creating their success. We don’t see the way they were when they were just starting out – when they had the same insecurities that you have now. We don’t see all their flaws, mistakes, misjudgments, insecurities. We only see where they are now – not how they got there.

There is a VERY different feeling of possibility when one can see that they too can do what someone else has done. Sometimes it’s not all about self-confidence, or self-esteem, but simply knowing that you and they are truly much more alike than you realize…That they too were once just like you, with the same dreams, doubts, and a very unique set of talents, thoughts, and abilities.

The truth is we all have something amazing to offer this world. We are all human, we all have unique talents, as well as doubts and insecurities. Everyone gets tired sometimes. Everyone feels doubts, fears, and sometimes needs a helping hand, and maybe a kind word or gentle guidance from someone that has been there and done that.

So as you go through this coming year in 2016, set your goals high, and don’t limit yourself. You don’t have to know how you’re going to get there, just know that you will and start moving in the right direction. When you see someone whom you may put on some form of a pedestal, try to imagine them when they were just starting out…try to view their whole person. Then learn from what others have done, but don’t worry about who’s in front or behind you… just keep moving forward toward your dreams and you’ll be amazed with what begins to happen in your life :)

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Without this, Dreams and Ideas are worthless…

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I was talking to a few friends of mine recently about getting a group together … a “Success Mastermind Group”, and the topic came up around how we could protect ideas.

The thing is … and I learned this from a major rockstar startup founder… taking an idea and making it into a business is really, REALLY, freakin’ hard.  It’s so hard that you can take an idea, and share it with the world…and all the best startup founders…and it still may never amount to anything.

What makes an idea valuable?  Action.

An idea without action is just a temporary blip of neurons firing in your brain – and then it’s gone… maybe a memory.

Same thing goes for your DREAMS.  Dreams are just thoughts or ideas related to YOU or something you care about.

Dreams of what could be, what you could do, what you could become.

Dreams without action are just more temporary blips of neurons firing in YOUR brain…

The only way to make your dreams real is… you guessed it… Action.

More specifically… YOU… YOU TAKING ACTION.

There’s an interesting twist.  You don’t have to be striving toward YOUR OWN GOAL in order to take action and be successful.

You don’t have to wait for the right idea.  You don’t have to wait to believe in your dreams.

I recently read The Surrender Experiment, by Michael A. Singer.

Here’s about the shortest summary I can muster:

Michael Singer went from living in a van parked by a lake, by choice, with the only intention of meditating and practicing yoga in order to find enlightenment.  When some kind of opportunity was presented to him, or there was some kind of congruency he picked up on, he followed it curiously.  It was not always in alignment with HIS thoughts about where HE wanted to go, but he chose to let go.. to surrender…with the feeling that something higher… life.. God…something was leading the unfolding.  Life was living through him, instead of him trying to impose his will on life.  The book is a page turner of what others would chalk up to coincidence, where his surrendering to life took him from homeless to CEO of a $300M company.  He went from camping on someone else’s land, to owning over 900 acres surrounding the area where he used to live in his van.

None of his success and amazing life stories came from his ambition to fulfill something for himself.  His only dream was to reach enlightenment and serve the purpose life put in front of him.

That’s the most amazing twist on things – he took Action to follow life’s intention.

Does this mean that you cannot follow your dreams or work to make ideas become a reality?  Of course not.  Who’s to say that your thoughts and dreams are not part of life’s (or God’s) overall intention?

Your dreams can be a source of passion… an energy to help drive you overcome the challenges you’ll face in life.

In the end, action is what matters.  It’s the bridge between your ideas and life.  Action is the ability you have to manifest your ideas.

So … what dreams do you have… what amazing ideas are waiting… waiting for you to make them real?

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Find your Higher Level Life, and Live It!

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Sometimes it takes a lifetime of learning and self development to even discover what our Higher Level Life is.  Sometimes we KNOW what our higher level life is…we can see it, and we want to get there, but we just don’t know how.  We might need something to catalyze the change…it might be something good like connecting with just the right person or people at just the right time in your life…Sometimes it can start from something challenging, or maybe a combination of both.  If you’re looking for your Higher Level Life… or if you’re on your path – consciously developing yourself to live your higher level, I hope my thoughts and experiences from my own personal journey help you get there.